


An Exorcism

by tarigwaemir (troisroyaumes)



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Gen, Multipart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2005-12-29
Updated: 2006-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-29 16:59:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/322106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troisroyaumes/pseuds/tarigwaemir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"More time...I need more time."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [card_mistress](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=card_mistress).



> Written for the prompt, "Dr. Faustus".

"Your turn, Sai," Hikaru mumbled sleepily, his eyes already closed. He yawned and let his head drop against one hand.

Sai tried to focus on the board but it was hard to distract himself from the panic as he felt himself fading, second by second. His translucent hands seemed to be losing color and blurring into insubstantial air before his eyes. "Hikaru," he said urgently. " _Hikaru_."

"Mmm?" Hikaru's eyes didn't open.

"Hikaru, please look at me. I think...I might be... _Hikaru_!

His only response was a soft snore.

Sai's face crumpled as he clutched his disappearing fan. _Not yet, I can't go now. A thousand years is not enough, not when I haven't reached the Hand of God. Was Torajirou's sacrifice for nothing?_

Hikaru's head jerked but his eyes still remained half-closed. "Hurry up, Sai," he said with a sleepy sigh.

 _More time...I need more time,_ Sai thought frantically. He could feel his already-thin presence in the world growing fainter. _My soul to any god who will grant me more time! Until I reach the Hand of God!_

"Done," whispered a voice, and the world began to tremble, to shake, then to quake so violently that Sai had to bury his face in his sleeves.

When he lifted his head again, he found himself on the other side of the goban, with two open goke upturned on the floor, stones scattered at his feet. He blinked and raised a sleeve to rub at his eyes. The world seemed brighter, more garish and solid somehow...It was then he realized that he was no longer wearing his long court robes but a yellow cotton shirt like the ones that Hikaru preferred.

He stood up and stumbled over his numb feet. He made his way to the mirror over the dresser and stared at his face. It was familiar, more familiar than his own. The blond bangs, the wide grey eyes, the round cheeks--

Sai lifted his hands and looked at them in amazement. "I have a body," he said aloud to the empty room. He turned around. "Hikaru? Hikaru! Where are you?"

There was no reply.


	2. Part 1

Akira placed his stone wih a loud _pachi_ and looked up expectantly. His opponent stared at the board and shook his head as if in disbelief. His hand hovered over the goke then clenched into a fist. "I have lost."

Akira bowed politely then quickly began to take his stones from the board. He surreptitiously glanced at the game taking place behind him. Both players were gazing intently at the board. He gave a small sigh of relief. They hadn't finished yet.

He got up to his feet, hastily recorded his win, and then hurried back to watch the remaining game. There was already a small crowd observing it intently. Akira craned his head to look at the board. Black was ahead.

Shindou placed another stone on the board and tapped his closed fan against his chin.

"I have lost," his opponent finally said in a tight voice. Akira recognized him, a 7-dan professional who studied with Zama Ouza.

Shindou bowed with uncharacteristic grace and smiled politely at his opponent as he began to clear the board. The observers dispersed, murmuring among themselves. Akira remained standing, staring intently at the board as he tried to reconstruct the game in his head.

"Oh, Touya-kun," Shindou exclaimed, looking up at him with delighted eyes. "Did you watch the game?"

Akira nodded though he couldn't keep from frowning. Shindou had been behaving strangely for the past few months, as he sprinted through oteai matches and preliminary rounds for title tournaments with a perfect record of wins. They had not yet faced each other in an official match, but if they both advanced to the third round of the Meijin tournament next week, then they would most likely play each other very soon.

"Do you want to discuss the game, Touya-kun?" Shindou asked eagerly.

"Yes, please," Akira said automatically and sat down. He continued to frown as Shindou began to replay the game from the beginning. It was the same characteristically flawless, elegant yet powerful style that he had seen when they first played--the same style that Shindou had shown consistently in all his professional games. The classic Shuusaku fuseki with a innovative twist...the occasional old-fashioned joseki...the calm confidence of each move. It was everything that he expected from Shindou, the first Shindou that had made him chase after him so singlemindedly, over a year ago.

But the mystery still remained: how to explain Shindou's inconsistency? What could be the meaning behind that clumsy game he had played as Haze's third board? The memory of the kifu that Yun-sensei had shown him nagged at him. That game had shown an unpredictable, creative streak that had been missing in Shindou's style as a pro. Which was the real Shindou?

"Every time I see you play, I'm more and more reminded of Sai," he said bluntly, as Shindou placed the final stone on the board.

The other boy started and gave a nervous laugh. "Sai? The mysterious NetGo player?"

"Don't pretend like you don't know, Shindou. You're connected to Sai somehow, I'm sure of it."

"Well...our styles are similar, but--"

"And that's not all. It's as if you're a different person. You act...well, you don't--" Akira gave an exasperated sigh. He could hardly claim to be Shindou's friend, and yet he had thought he knew the other boy well enough. The Shindou he had first come to know was brash, blunt, often clumsy, not at all like this soft, quiet, well-mannered boy, who called him "Touya-kun" without fail and addressed him with a formality that he never used before.

"I don't what?"

"Nothing," Touya muttered. "Thanks for showing me the game."

"Ah, Touya-kun," Shindou said suddenly.

"Hm?"

"I heard your father's returned from abroad. I was hoping," Shindou hesitated, "well, I was wondering if I could have a chance to play him." He smiled shyly.

For a moment, Akira almost couldn't recognize the boy in front of him: the once-blond bangs were no longer dyed, the unfamiliar smile made the round face seem longer, and for a second the gray eyes grew dark and unreadable. He blinked. "Of course," he stammered, "he's very busy, but I'll certainly ask."

"Thank you, Touya-kun," Shindou murmured.

\---

For a thousand years he had not slept or dreamed, but ever since that fifth of May, he found himself waking up every night, drenched in sweat, with the hazy fragments of a nightmare still vivid in his mind. It was a single recurring dream, though the images changed from night to night. Sometimes he found himself wandering between tall hedge groves, turning sharp angled corners into narrow corridors, surrounded by walls and walls of impenetrable green. Other nights, he walked through dark, dank catacombs with muddy floors and dripping ceilings, with the occasional skeleton bone to show that he was walking in endless circles. But the essentials of the dream remained the same: night after night, he walked endless mazes, haunted by the sound of a familiar voice.

"Where are you? Sai? Come back, Sai, please."

He shuddered.

Tonight, though, he found himself standing at the edge of a vast room, with a smooth wooden floor marked with a large black grid of intersecting lines. In the opposite corner of the room--miles and miles away it seemed, from where he stood--there was a single black stone. A familiar place, made unfamiliar by the sudden terror he felt when he heard once again Hikaru's voice call out, "Sai?"

He looked around the room and realized it had no ceiling, but opened up to a starry sky.

"Sai, where are you?"

"There is always a price," whispered a new voice, sibilant and emotionless. Sai jumped and turned around. "Higher than you expect."

Sai covered his ears. "I didn't want this. This is all wrong."

"Face yourself. The selfishness of a thousand years," whispered the voice, soft but still clearly audible.

Sai stared at the giant goban hopelessly. "What am I to do?"

"Make your move," said the voice as it faded away like smoke.


	3. Part 2

"Here, catch!" Waya tossed a soda over to a startled Shindou, who fumbled for it and missed. He raised an eyebrow as he watched the other boy scramble after the rolling can.

"Thank you," Shindou said, rather breathless as he came back with the drink. He fiddled clumsily at the tab and looked bewildered when it snapped off in his hands. "Oh dear," he sighed, raising a hand to half-cover his open mouth.

Waya frowned and snatched the can away from him. "Idiot. One would think that you've never opened a soda can before."

"Ah, well–-"

"Huh, looks like it's a lost cause. You can have some of mine, if you want."

"It's fine, Waya-kun. I'll do without."

Waya glanced at him sharply. "You've been hanging around that Touya too much. You're beginning to sound like him."

"Eh? But we only play a game every other day--"

"Every other _day_?!" Waya exclaimed. "I'm surprised your schedules even allow it. I suppose you're not interested in spending time with us ordinary mortals anymore."

"Oh, not at all! I'm always willing to play a game. You only have to ask, you know that."

Waya gave him a withering look. "Never mind, Shindou. See you Saturday."

Shindou smiled, his voice light and pleasant. "Bye Waya-kun!"

Waya shook his head as he walked away. "'Waya-kun'? Has he turned into a girl?" There was something off about Shindou lately, although he couldn't quite place his finger on it. It couldn't just be Touya's influence, could it? He shrugged, then brightened as he caught sight of Isumi getting into the elevator. He promptly forgot all about Shindou and his strange behavior as he began running toward the closing doors.

"Isumi! Wait up!"

\---

Mitani-kun was walking her home from an afternoon movie when she saw him, standing in the park across the street, with an unfamiliar expression on his face. She called out, her tone uncertain, "Is that you, Hikaru?"

He looked up. She squinted. It _was_ Hikaru. She dragged her reluctant escort by the elbow as she ran over to him. "It's been a while, ne? I nearly didn't recognize you! What are you doing here?"

Hikaru smiled at her but turned to Mitani instead, who was scuffing his shoes against the pavement. "Hello, Mitani-kun."

Mitani scowled but gave a small nod of acknowledgment. Akari asked again, "What were you looking at, Hikaru? Such a serious look on your face--I thought it was someone else for a moment."

Hikaru clasped his hands together and turned his head. It was twilight; the shadows on his face made him seem older, sadder. But why would Shindou Hikaru be sad? Akari chewed on her lip, waiting for him to speak.

"I remembered something. While watching the fireflies." He gestured at the tall grass beside him, where indeed a few spiraling flashes of light could be seen.

She tilted her head. "Are you all right, Hikaru?"

"Of course," he replied, smiling at her. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Mitani cleared his throat and said gruffly, "We should be going, Akari. I promised your mother I'd have you home by six." He placed an arm around her shoulders, stiff but possessive. "Nice seeing you, Shindou."

Shindou nodded and turned back to the fireflies.

"He's...changed somehow," she remarked to Mitani as they walked back across the road. "Don't you agree?"

"Eh, Shindou's always been weird," Mitani said dismissively, and that was the end of the subject.

\---

Again, the same nightmare. He had not known that a game of go could become a nightmare. He was surrounded by huge stones, both black and white, which would appear out of nowhere as soon as a hand was played. He often had to run in order to escape being crushed by a gently descending stone.

At the moment, he was crouched on the enormous goban, trying not to think. He still did not understand how the dreamscape knew when he had decided on a move, but whenever he reached a decision, a new white stone would be placed. He never saw his opponent, but he knew the style almost as intimately as he knew his own. After all, they had played countless games together.

When he closed his eyes, he could see the layout of the game in his mind, as clearly as if he was looking down on it from above. White was ahead by about ten moku. If he placed a stone _there_ , he would seize the upper left and finish the game. As soon as he had the thought, he knew that another stone had appeared on the board. There was a sudden wind that forced him to cover his eyes, and when stillness returned, he found the goban empty once more. So the game had ended. He had won again.

"Hikaru!" he shouted, his eyes filling with tears. He sat down on a star point, feeling exhausted. He had won a game every night ever since he had first dreamed himself in this room. All that changed was the game itself and the pattern of the stars in the sky above. He never saw his invisible opponent.

"I know you're here. You must be here. This is your go," he said to the empty board. The next game would not start until the next night, when the dream began again.

"Hikaru," he said again and hid his face against his sleeve. "I'm sorry. Come back. Please come back."

\---

The phone rang early in the morning. He picked it up gingerly--he was still unused to the strange device--and spoke hesitantly into the receiver, "Hello?"

"Shindou, it's Touya."

"Ah, hello, Touya-kun. How are you?"

"Fine. Listen, can you come visit tomorrow evening?"

"Tomorrow evening?" he echoed dumbly.

"Yes. I told Father that you had requested a game, and he suggested that I invite you over. I meant to call you before, but my tutoring session ran late last night."

For a moment he could not breathe. Touya Meijin...a game...tomorrow evening. He gasped, "Yes, of course I'll come."

"I'll meet you at the salon at our usual hour, and then we can go to my house for dinner afterwards. Father and Mother are looking forward to seeing you again."

"Thank you, Touya-kun. Thank you!"

"You're welcome," Touya said, a bit bemused as he hung up.


	4. Part 3

"Touya-sensei," he said as he bowed deeply, "thank you for accepting my request for a game."

"Not at all. I told you once that I would look forward to playing you again," Touya Kouyou replied, his hands hidden in his sleeves. "My son tells me he often plays you at the salon. I would like to have seen how much your strength has grown, since we last met."

He flushed and bowed again. "You honor me, sensei."

The former Meijin nodded as he slid open the door to the study. He paused and turned. "Shindou-kun. This time you will play me without handicaps." His voice was calm but resolute.

Sai squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. "Yes, sensei," he said simply and entered the room.

"Ogata Juudan and Akira expressed a wish to see this game. I hope you have no objections to their presence."

Sai shook his head, his eyes fixed on the goban in the center of the room. He took a deep breath and knelt very slowly in seiza, unconsciously throwing his arms back to accomodate the sleeves that no longer hung from his arms. He stared almost avidly at the empty board before him; the polished wood seemed to gleam in the morning light.

Touya-sensei settled down on the other side of the board, with equal gravity. In the same moment, they both opened their goke. Sai placed a fistful of stones on the board; his opponent one. Black. He had never lost with black as Shuusaku.

He did not look up. There was the board, with its nine star points, the tengen waiting at the center. There were the stones, smooth and cold against his fingers. He saw nothing else, as he placed his first hand.

\---

Ogata didn't know what to think. He knew, beyond a doubt, that Shindou knew Sai, that he must have learned from Sai. And yet he also knew that Shindou could not _be_ Sai. The match that the boy had played as an insei had talent...but not the maturity of Sai's NetGo games.

Then there was the new shodan game with Touya-sensei. The more he tried to fit the puzzle pieces together, the more confusing it all became. Who was Shindou? More importantly, who was _Sai_?

The current game had progressed with an unusual intensity, more ferocious than any match he had seen Shindou play until this point. There was a poise to each and every move, an almost frightening level of control. Neither player had openly attacked, but the fuseki hinted at the battle yet to come.

Shindou raised his hand to his lips, his eyes thoughtful. The boy's face seemed deceptively soft; who knew that such powerful go could be hidden in such a young boy? But then again, Akira was the same age. Ogata thought of the years ahead with the two pros at his heels and silently groaned.

Finally, the next hand. _Pachi_. The loud sound echoed the tension in the room. Ogata looked at the board...then looked again. He frowned and leaned in closer. On the surface, it seemed a straightforward attack on the upper left corner but if one read ahead--

His eyes widened. How could this sort of go come from a teenaged boy? Talent and strength were to be expected, but there was also experience. Shindou must have been playing for years to have reached this level--no, it was impossible. Not even Akira, who had played since he could hold a stone between his fingers, had achieved such depth yet.

"Unbelievable," Akira whispered, his hands clenched into fists on his knees.

Ogata shook his head. He needed a cigarette.

\---

They were battling for the center--a difficult and complex struggle for every last moku--when Touya Kouyou suddenly broke the silence.

Traps had been set and carefully evaded, but both players had read far ahead into the game. It was a question of who could see further: the opponent would not make any mistake. He was sure of that. And it reminded him, as every shape and pattern had reminded him, of a game played before.

"I had wondered before, but now I am certain."

The boy glanced up, startled. "Pardon me, sensei?"

"I asked you once, if you were Sai. I know now that you are."

Shindou did not reply. His hands were twisting in his lap, and he looked distraught.

"It does not matter, of course, who you are or what you call yourself. I don't know why you chose to kept your identity hidden, but I am glad to have had the chance to play against you." Touya-sensei gave him a slight smile. "But tell me, Shindou-kun. How is it that your go speaks of someone so much older?"

"Sensei?" Shindou sounded panicked.

"Strange...I look at this game, and for some reason, it makes me think that this is the go of someone who has played for a hundred years."

"More than that," Shindou whispered.

Touya-sensei frowned. "What did you say?"

Shindou swallowed. His hands were shaking. "Who I am is unimportant. Go is all that matters." He placed a stone on the board with trembling fingers.

"Indeed. Go is all that matters," agreed Touya-sensei and met him with an answering hand.

\---

"Thank you once again for the game," Shindou said for the fifth time. He fumbled with the laces of his sneakers and followed Akira out the door. Touya-sensei nodded, his expression enigmatic as he watched them walk towards the gate.

Akira unlatched the gate, then paused, his arm blocking the other boy's way.

"Shindou," he said, his voice tight with suppressed anger, "I swear, I will grow stronger and better until you have no choice but to play me seriously. Like the way you did today. Do you hear me, Shindou?"

Shindou did not reply. He seemed to deflate. He gently pushed aside Akira's arm and left the house without another word.

\---

That night, Sai paced back and forth in his dreams. He looked across the vast expanse of the empty goban and the midnight sky above, illuminated by numerous stars. But the light was deceptive--in their numbers, the stars masked an empty void of immeasurable distance.

Somewhere, Hikaru was waiting in that void.

"Let me speak to him. Please."

There was only silence.

"You owe him that much. He had no _choice_ in the matter."

Sai covered his face with his hands. "They think he's me. But he's not. I am him, but he's not me. Do you understand? I can't...I need to talk to him."

There was a ripple of laughter. Sai stamped his foot and shouted, "Whoever you are, you cannot have the power to obliterate a soul. I know he must be here, somewhere. Let me see him!"

"Sai?"

He turned around. It was Hikaru.


End file.
